The story of anger and forgiveness

October 14, 2023

 


    Namaste and welcome to 'A piece of my learning.' In this blog, I want to tell you all a story about an emotion which has consumed most of us in various proportions. Yes, I am talking about anger. There is a shlok in Bhagavad Gita that goes something like 

क्रोधाद्भवति सम्मोह: सम्मोहात्स्मृतिविभ्रम: |
स्मृतिभ्रंशाद् बुद्धिनाशो बुद्धिनाशात्प्रणश्यति || 63||

 

    This shlok means that anger leads to clouding of judgment, which results in bewilderment of memory. When memory is bewildered, the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed, one is ruined. Let me tell you a story pertaining to anger and forgiveness.

The story:

    One day, Buddha was in an assembly when a man walked in looking furious. He thought Buddha was doing something wrong. He was drawing a huge crowd, and people would just go to him and meditate. He was a restless businessman, and he had found that his children were spending their time with Buddha when they could have engaged themselves in business, making more money and ensuring their livelihood. He felt that spending four hours of their day seated next to someone whose eyes were always closed was a complete waste of time. So, the father of the family was very upset, and he said, "I am going to teach this man a lesson." With anger in his heart, he walked confidently up to Buddha. 
 
    As soon as he approached Buddha, all of his thoughts disappeared, but the anger in him did not dissipate. He was shaking and found himself speechless. Since he was unable to express his emotions in words, he simply spat on Buddha's face. Buddha, in return, simply smiled. His disciples who were sitting with him were furious. They wanted to react and were ready to jump, but the Buddha's presence didn't allow them to do so. They just couldn't believe someone could behave in such a reprehensible manner with the Buddha. But they couldn't say anything, and this man could not stay longer either. He noticed his action had not drawn any reaction from the people around him, and the Buddha had simply smiled in return. A few minutes later, he thought, "If I stay longer, I will burst, I will explode." So he walked away.

    Once he returned home, he couldn't erase the image of the smiling Buddha from his mind. For the first time in his life, he had met someone who had such an extraordinary reaction to such a disrespectful act. He could not sleep all night, and his whole body underwent a transformation. He was shivering, shaking, and he felt as though his world had collapsed. So the next day, he got up and went and fell at Buddha's feet and said, "Please forgive me. I did not know what I was doing." To which Buddha replied, "I cannot excuse you. 
 
    Everyone, including Buddha's disciples, was shocked at this reaction. All his life, Buddha had been so compassionate. He had accepted everyone in his ashram regardless of their past. And now he was telling this businessman that he could not excuse his behavior. Buddha looked around and found everyone to be in a state of shock. So he explained, "Why should I excuse you when you have not done anything wrong? What wrong have you done that I should excuse your behavior?" The businessman replied, "Yesterday, I came to this assembly, and in my anger, I spat on your face. I am the same person. It is me." 
 
    Buddha said, "That person is not here anymore. If I ever meet that person, I'll tell excuse them. But the person who's right here in this moment, you are wonderful. You have done nothing wrong."

Moral:

    In life, when do we truly forgive a person? True forgiveness is when you forgive a person, and that someone doesn't even know that they are being forgiven. That person shouldn't feel guilty for their deed. This is the right kind of forgiveness. If you forgive someone and keep reminding them about their mistake and make them feel guilty all the time, then in truth, you've simply not forgiven them yet. Guilt itself should be enough punishment for a person.
 

Learning and implementation:

    Forgiveness is a multi-step process, and different people may have varying ways of approaching it. However, a simplified way, which I understood, is to break it down into three key stages:

1. Acknowledgment of Hurt: The first step in forgiveness is recognizing and acknowledging the hurt or offense you've experienced. This means coming to terms with the fact that someone has wronged you, and it has caused pain or distress. This acknowledgment involves honestly confronting your emotions and understanding the impact of the wrongdoing on your well-being.

2. Letting Go of Resentment: The second step involves letting go of the negative emotions associated with the offense, such as anger, bitterness, and resentment. This step can be particularly challenging, but it's crucial for forgiveness. You release these negative emotions, not necessarily for the benefit of the person who wronged you, but for your own emotional and mental well-being. Letting go of these emotions allows you to find peace and move forward.

3. Choosing to Forgive: The final step is the conscious decision to forgive. This doesn't mean you forget the offense or that you have to reconcile with the person who wronged you. Forgiving is a choice to release the person from any further emotional debt and to free yourself from carrying the burden of the past. It's a decision to move forward with your life without being bound by the offense.

    These steps may be simple in concept, but in practice, forgiveness can be a complex and emotionally charged process. It often takes time, self-reflection, and personal growth. Each individual's journey toward forgiveness is unique, and it's important to be patient with yourself as you work through these steps. You can comment down your thoughts about anger and forgiveness.

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3 comments

  1. ajinkyaOctober 14, 2023 at 7:11 PM

    Anger is the another name of self distruction. I feel everyone should learn this art of keeping calm and forgivness from Buddha. Nice blog keep writing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. SwardaOctober 16, 2023 at 4:46 PM

    Learning to control anger constructively is essential for maintaining a balanced and healthy life & As per my opinion forgiveness can lead to emotional healing. Nice blog. MPTY.

    ReplyDelete
  3. MakOctober 18, 2023 at 9:46 AM

    I remembered a line while reading this story - "Instead of reacting, just respond but with kindness."
    Very meaningful article Chinmay.
    👍

    ReplyDelete